Fragments of Aria

Awhile is not really the right word to truly express the time since I had last pouring my heart and soul here. For a moment, I forgot that I even had a blog. Heck, even most of friends have left the world of blogging. We all have been too preoccupied with life itself and perhaps other things.  Before I wrote my first ever entry after awhile --I took some time to read my previous posts and even drafted some of them, cringing at the lack of immaturity in those posts. Then, I decided to un -draft them and re post--because I feel that immaturity is what shaped the current me. A lot of things had happened between the long gap of my posts. All the life jazz, from ups and downs that matured me and made me stronger. While I still have my fears but I am slowly learning to overcome them, taking baby steps. Then eventually I'll get there. Slowly but surely, yeah? Looking back, I was a timid person. A loner, at first not by choice but somehow it embedded in me. I wasn't confident,...

As of late I've been experience these weird and indescribably feelings and occasional rush of emotions. I'm doing everything in my power to conceal it from the rest of the people in my reality. Though, sometimes it's just hard to come up with excuses or even putting up a happy front. Ah, how I wish I could disappear -- isolate myself from everyone, everything in a tiny hole made especially for me without worries or responsibilities. Everything is unbearably tiring and sapping my energy dry.

I am well aware that I would constantly make bad choices. I mean, it's 'life' after all, we would learn from those mistakes that we've done and try to improve ourselves. Regardless, this is the same choice that I keep making when I know all along that how the outcome would be. Sometimes I can't help myself. My mind tells me no yet the heart says otherwise, that is exactly what has been troubling me for some time now. When I decided to leave, I found myself coming back like a freaking rubber-band. Ugh, how weak-minded I am. Willpower ; completely zero . Determination? Out of the question. Perhaps it's because I've never quite feel this way and once I felt it... it hit me hard. Although I say that but at the same time I hold immense feelings of dislike and annoyance. I want him to suffer for no absolute reason. I want him to realize what he made me go through thus far-- whether he was conscious of it or not. I'm contradicting myself? Exactly. Basical...

What else is left of me? Frankly speaking, I don't think I would ever have a bright future ahead. Hell, I don't think I would even have one, this what we called, a future . My existence hardly has its meaning. Even if I cease to exist, like that ever matters. With or without me, possibly no one would even notice. I write stories, but they are boring to the point no one ever bothers to read. They don't even have any significant meaning to others but only to myself.  I draw yet they are so horribly drawn, I should hang myself. Then, whatever is left of me to do? What is it that I am capable of doing? Basically, I am worthless. My existence has no meaning. Might as well have society with their pitchforks, then toss me out of this world that I don't belong. Why can't I, at least, have something that I should be proud of? Intelligence.. Talents.. Is it too much to ask for? ANYTHING SO I COULD BE ACCEPTED. I just... want to be accepted. And reassurance tha...

That hilariously awkward moment when my dad mistook my abrupt inner- fangirl -screaming as a sign of danger. It nearly 9PM and as if an invisible ' DO NOT DISTURB ' sign was hung on the door knob as I would be busy entertaining my fangirl needs, indulging into endless eargasmic voices of beautiful, animated 2D men and trying not to lose grasp of reality (basically my sanity) in the process. Or simply known as MY ALONE time. Why of course, neither my parents nor my siblings had the slightest idea regarding the true nature of their daughter or sister. Ah, they had not yet bear witness to my prowess as a fangirl. I remember, I was clasping my hands in attempt to hold in that strong desire for an outburst, to tell the world, to spread the love and to let those burning fangirl feels run free in order to achieve that tranquillity -- so I figured. It was the only way. The only solution. Yet, I must not give in. I must fight ! Then, everything changed when... Free! feels ...

It has been nearly two weeks since my semester break started. Though, as usual, nothing interesting ever happens and I for one, am also not doing much as of late. Just passing the time watching and re watching old anime. It was difficult for me to accept the fact I started to give in to anime because I thought it was a sign of me, being, immature but I know, it was nothing like that at all despite what those people surrounding me say. As I grew older, I've became quite picky when it comes to which anime to watch and avoid. I personally cannot stand anime that portrays female as the weak, a klutz who cannot even walk properly despite being a human all her life (roll eyes) and just, straight-forward dumb. Sad to say, the anime world is eventually like that nowadays, at least most of them. Is it because the producers think majority viewers consist of the males? This is the reason why I wish to change it, involves myself in the world of games and animation to change the narrow-minded p...

Just something I just HAVE to get it off my bloody chest. Unable... to contain the overwhelming feeling of irritation within me no more. THE HELL IS UP WITH PEOPLE TONIIIIIIIGHTTTT? *roll eyes* siiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhh And that everyone, concludes my sudden, abrupt post after a long time. Ahaha.

Where it ended (Part II). That seemed more than just a rendezvous; It was a tryst. That seemed more than just friendship; It was love. That seemed more than just the beginning; It was an ending. The town’s hall was decorated with special garnishes by the folks to celebrate after the lacked of society entertainment in the town, although they could barely be seen with the massive crowd that seemed it was impossible to even move an inch and it was to be expected of. Regardless, the merriment and jolly still lingered in the air as couples, friends and family danced the La Boulangere to the music playing. Anneliese pushed her away through the throng, searching for any familiar faces. Despite the fact she could be suffocated to death at any time but she was glad for the crowd because then, anyone would hardly notice the stains on her dress. Whilst she was surviving her way through the loud crowd, she felt a pressure on her arm that was pulling her to the sidelin...

The January fifth, twenty-thirteen. Two.Thousand.Thirteen--- 2013. So yes, this is my first post ever to welcome another year. And I know this is a bit late but it's better than never right? Happy New Year everyone. So far the year has been treating me fairly-- ups and downs equally speaking. Now that I think about it, so many things had happened in the previous year -- 2012. Not even the fanciest words possible could really do the things that happened to me any justice. New experiences, new friends and most of all, the new me-- in a good way. I had never felt such joy before in my entire human life, to be a part of something and not being feared of whether or not college people would accept me for who I am because there are more just like me out there. So there I (and you) have it, I'm no weirdo. For 2013, I wish for the same things. Become a better person, courageously take every chances I have and make my parents proud. Of course, I have more things in mind but to li...

Hello everyone :) This shall be my first post since we've entered the last month of 2012, December. This also will be a special post since I could not ignore the guilt that have been tormented me so. The guilt has always accompanied me ever since my semester break was over and when I was doing some things, it would always get me thinking about the unforgivable things I did... to this certain someone . Today is my little sister's birthday by the way and also... the person 's, which explain the sudden outburst and me, deciding to finally pour it out here. To tell you the truth, the reason I want to write the things I will about to write is to hope that some way or another the person would come across it and know the reasons behind my ridiculous actions.  First, I want to apologise to you for I believe... I have wronged you in so many ways. You have been so kind to me, been there for me during the times I needed someone to just hear me out and offered the words to co...

Hey peeps. I suppose it has been awhile hasn't it? My college life has begun once again, say buhbye to first semester break and aloha to second semester. Though technically it has only been the third day since it began so can't say I've been that busy really. That was just me and my plain excuse as a procrastinator ;) The first day was surprising normal. All of us were just being ourselves -- socially awkward regardless of sex. Our lecturer for the first class, which was Programming by the way, was late so all of us just stood outside the lab and awkwardly interacting with another while some congratulated me for my last semester exam's result. Thank you guys :) Couldn't have done it without those awesome people on my side! Going party  together, study together in the library and even skype call to study hahaha Never felt like I really belong somewhere before. I guess that's one of the good things of having small people in a course. Then we met some ...

Where it ended ( Part I ). That seemed more than just a rendezvous; It was a tryst. That seemed more than just friendship; It was love. That seemed more than just the beginning; It was an ending. She sat on the deserted bench almost impatiently in the outskirts of town and her harebell-coloured dress looked as if it was damped by the dewdrops after the small town of Newbury had to endure quite the storm for a few days, but for Anneliese Alden it was longer than just mere few days. She had to stay inside her room and to remain only within the radius of the family manor against her own will. Then she was left in despair seeing the weather did not permit her – or anyone else for that matter – to take even a step outside. Socializing was momentarily aborted for the people there and hence, a ball was to be held in the town’s hall as a means to recompense for the lack of interactions and dancing. As the sky gradually began to show signs of clearing from the unending rain...

Bonjour again everyone. :) As usual there was nothing particularly interesting or out-of-the ordinary happened in the past few days or after my previous post. Just kept myself busy doing well, things, sadly, writing was not a part of them. Speaking of which, the book I'm reading (Lady of the Rivers) has been fairly good so far, a bit slow but good and now I'm scared to finish it off because that will only mean I no longer have any book to read, that is why I've decided to take it slow. I continue reading it and sometimes, watch some series like the recent one that I've watched, another splendid BBC mini-series, an adaption of the Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens starred Claire Foy and our very own Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride & Prejudice, 2005) -- Matthew Macfadyen . The character Arthur Clenham in Little Dorrit was the exact opposite of his role as Mr. Darcy. What a total coincidental contradiction indeed! The series touched me so as though I was on a rol...

I can't remember the last time I held a new book in my hands. Oh wait, I do. It was Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, but of course you would know who, it was after all one of the famous works in history. I wanted to try a book of a different genre but it seems I just.. can't. I'm so in love with history-- I mean, the fiction kind and European . I was gonna go for something magic-ish or crime/detective sorts, alas, it was not to be, instead, I bought another Historical Fiction (15th Century), Medieval, Romance book. It's the third instalment for the Cousins' War trilogy by Philippa Gregory who have written a lot of historical fiction books. I sure hope it would be as good as the previous books and can match up my expectations as well as be one of my favourite historical fictions so far, next to The Painted Lady by Maeve Haran.  Jacquetta, daughter of the Count of Luxembourg and kinswoman to half the royalty of Europe, was married to the great Engl...

These past few days, I have to say, have been so great to point they seemed to be nothing but just a dream that I would soon to wake up from. College has been great, friends are awesome as always and life's good. It also seems I have also becoming somewhat... bold with words. Words that I would never thought I would say. Let's just I'll be all embarrassed when I say it but I did. Allow me to be Frank. Get it, FRANK? As in Frank Sinatra? AHAH, I just got it when I re-read the title of one of Westlife's albums before. Man, I'm so slow. I have also been singing awfully a lot, which suddenly got my family's attention. I didn't know while I was gone singing turned into a crime? orz Or maybe it's because I sing a bit... too much. In the morning, during lunch, just doing nothing, go to people's houses and while sleeping. Exactly, it's not a wonder why my family suddenly questioned about it. What can I say, I'm just happy?  :9 Stil...

The exact date marked to be the weirdest day I ever had amongst all my college days. So far. So far? Because I know there will be more weird, strange, ODD days to come in the future. Why? Simple, because everyone -- I mean really EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE AWESOME PEEPS -- were being so not... them . How I wish I had taken a photo of them but sadly no. That day totally caught me off guard. Started froommm, the glasses boy who I dubbed 'Never judge a boy by its appearance.' He has a high level of intense sarcasm and scary retorts but all of a sudden he was trying to be almost... cute. ON THAT DAY I MEAN. And today... too. orz He came to where my friends and I were sitting -- which were at in the front-row seat btw -- and he was like 'Whatchaaa doing?' My friend and I: O___O What in the name of-----*beep* THAT WAS SO WEIRD. Then another guy who suddenly lay on the desk in a very uhh, weird and sorta disturbing pose. LOL. Then another guy who was always quiet in class, join...

...or it should have been I reap what I sow really. These past few days have been all great. I realized the treasures I have and promise that I would not lose sight of them again. I have also realized what grave situation I am in and it's all my fault... Some time during my college days, I've learned many things in life, studies and more. I've also learned how life is so short to be a chicken of not doing something you would totally regret later. Well, my friend sorta gave me the courage to talk to this person who I kiiiinda admired, just... admired . He is a friend, yes just a friend. Not the best friend kind or anything. He's just super nice to everyone and that's not even the reason I admired him so, well sure, being nice is awesome but what I admired about him so much is that, he sounds so intelligent when he speaks. Ahahaha, hilarious? He's far different than most of the guys I know, not that the guys I know are total arses or anything, he's just... un...

Dear my friends out there, I really, really -- from the very depth of my heart -- want to thank you for responding to my post below. I was caught in a moment of intense insecurity, which explains why I wrote such thing in the first place :x Point is, I didn't think anyone would actually read that post hahaha But when I finally noticed the responses I got from my friends even though I only know them virtually, I... feel so happy like 'Ah, so there are people out there who cares for me...' I'm just mad at myself for not noticing it sooner 'cause I didn't get any email notifications, which I normally do but I don't know what happen. OK STOP RAMBLING ARIA. :| Again, I just want to thank you and say you mean as much to me as well. And, Mayu-nee I wanna wish you good luck on your newly-embarked journey in Penang.. was it? I know you can do it because you are the person who I admired so much within this five years of knowing you and probably more to come. If y...

So it has been... quite the while. It seems I've completely abandoned my blog. Busy or not, it's not an excuse. Well anyway, so far, I have actually entered university and started my college life for some time now. It's fun, yes, very. In fact, I think of my college buddies as one, big happy family considering those who took the same course as I do aren't that many, around 4 girls (including me) and 15 or so guys? I don't mind really, they are all cool people and for once, I feel as if I fit in with these people. We went to The Curve together and watched The Dark Knight Rises on the second day after its first aired in Malaysia then we walked around since it's already night. During Ramadhan, we iftar together, conquering the second floor of the McDonald building hahaha. And some more activities like playing games together in an internet cafe. To summarize all, I had tons of fun with them and looking forward to another (roughly) 2 years with them. And tick, tock, ...

. . .where a lot of TV series comes to an end... a lot of my favourites too... damn sad . Last Sunday was Once Upon A Time's season finale, and it just got so good too. Jeesh. Last week was New Girl. Then this week will be Nikita's season finale, as for Revenge, another one more episode before the season finale. But most of all last night... was Hawaii Five-0. . . DAMN.I.DON'T.THINK.I.CAN.WAIT.UNTIL.SEPTEMBER! I hate how the writers always leave us hanging for more. I mean, literally! With all the dramas thrown up into this one episode and the suspense. JEESH. They're making it harder for me to live my life while waiting for September to come for the next season. How could I? With the Kono part in the end. Oh goodness. ADAM NOSHIMURI , go save your girl. NOW. I was so sad when there was no one there to save her. I know, Steve and Danno have other things to take care of. And Chin, well, figures he went for his wife. Adam, y u no make any appearance ? Lenkov, y u no let A...