Fragments of Aria

As of late I've been experience these weird and indescribably feelings and occasional rush of emotions. I'm doing everything in my power to conceal it from the rest of the people in my reality. Though, sometimes it's just hard to come up with excuses or even putting up a happy front. Ah, how I wish I could disappear -- isolate myself from everyone, everything in a tiny hole made especially for me without worries or responsibilities. Everything is unbearably tiring and sapping my energy dry.

I am well aware that I would constantly make bad choices. I mean, it's 'life' after all, we would learn from those mistakes that we've done and try to improve ourselves. Regardless, this is the same choice that I keep making when I know all along that how the outcome would be. Sometimes I can't help myself. My mind tells me no yet the heart says otherwise, that is exactly what has been troubling me for some time now. When I decided to leave, I found myself coming back like a freaking rubber-band. Ugh, how weak-minded I am. Willpower ; completely zero . Determination? Out of the question. Perhaps it's because I've never quite feel this way and once I felt it... it hit me hard. Although I say that but at the same time I hold immense feelings of dislike and annoyance. I want him to suffer for no absolute reason. I want him to realize what he made me go through thus far-- whether he was conscious of it or not. I'm contradicting myself? Exactly. Basical

What else is left of me? Frankly speaking, I don't think I would ever have a bright future ahead. Hell, I don't think I would even have one, this what we called, a future . My existence hardly has its meaning. Even if I cease to exist, like that ever matters. With or without me, possibly no one would even notice. I write stories, but they are boring to the point no one ever bothers to read. They don't even have any significant meaning to others but only to myself.  I draw yet they are so horribly drawn, I should hang myself. Then, whatever is left of me to do? What is it that I am capable of doing? Basically, I am worthless. My existence has no meaning. Might as well have society with their pitchforks, then toss me out of this world that I don't belong. Why can't I, at least, have something that I should be proud of? Intelligence.. Talents.. Is it too much to ask for? ANYTHING SO I COULD BE ACCEPTED. I just... want to be accepted. And reassurance tha

That hilariously awkward moment when my dad mistook my abrupt inner- fangirl -screaming as a sign of danger. It nearly 9PM and as if an invisible ' DO NOT DISTURB ' sign was hung on the door knob as I would be busy entertaining my fangirl needs, indulging into endless eargasmic voices of beautiful, animated 2D men and trying not to lose grasp of reality (basically my sanity) in the process. Or simply known as MY ALONE time. Why of course, neither my parents nor my siblings had the slightest idea regarding the true nature of their daughter or sister. Ah, they had not yet bear witness to my prowess as a fangirl. I remember, I was clasping my hands in attempt to hold in that strong desire for an outburst, to tell the world, to spread the love and to let those burning fangirl feels run free in order to achieve that tranquillity -- so I figured. It was the only way. The only solution. Yet, I must not give in. I must fight ! Then, everything changed when... Free! feels

It has been nearly two weeks since my semester break started. Though, as usual, nothing interesting ever happens and I for one, am also not doing much as of late. Just passing the time watching and re watching old anime. It was difficult for me to accept the fact I started to give in to anime because I thought it was a sign of me, being, immature but I know, it was nothing like that at all despite what those people surrounding me say. As I grew older, I've became quite picky when it comes to which anime to watch and avoid. I personally cannot stand anime that portrays female as the weak, a klutz who cannot even walk properly despite being a human all her life (roll eyes) and just, straight-forward dumb. Sad to say, the anime world is eventually like that nowadays, at least most of them. Is it because the producers think majority viewers consist of the males? This is the reason why I wish to change it, involves myself in the world of games and animation to change the narrow-minded p

Just something I just HAVE to get it off my bloody chest. Unable... to contain the overwhelming feeling of irritation within me no more. THE HELL IS UP WITH PEOPLE TONIIIIIIIGHTTTT? *roll eyes* siiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhh And that everyone, concludes my sudden, abrupt post after a long time. Ahaha.